In the last post we explored the 3 foundational communication skills - Trust, Empathy and Active Listening, easily remembered with the acronym TEA.

In this post, we explore 7 additional communication skills, which nicely build on your 3 foundational skills:

1. Curiosity
2. Appreciation and gratitude
3. Sincerely apologizing
4. Touch strategy
5. Getting permission
6. “Pinch” vs “Punch”
7. Staying calm

The 7 Additional Communication Skills

Make Curiosity Your Default Communication Habit

“I have no special talents I am only passionately curious”

-- Albert Einstein

I briefly mentioned curiosity in the last post, but it's too important in effective communication not to explore this attribute further.

The first thing to note about curiosity is that it forces one to be “other orientated” as opposed to “self orientated “which, as we saw in the “trust equation”, is what most “sabotages” our trust building efforts with others.

Very often, we don't fully appreciate just how beautifully powerful being curious can be.

Curiosity invites openness and exploration. By asking questions like “how?” and “why” we create opportunities for learning and innovation. These questions act as keys, unlocking doors to new perspectives and ideas.

As young children, we exhibit boundless curiosity, exploring the world with uninhibited wonder. But as we age, societal norms and routines often stifle this natural inquisitiveness. The result? A plateau in learning and growth. Reclaiming that childlike curiosity as adults can reignite our ability to innovate and connect.

One of the greatest advantages of curiosity, is its role in building empathetic relationships. When we approach conversations with genuine interest, we move beyond superficial exchanges. By asking thoughtful questions about someone’s background, experiences, beliefs, and values, we uncover what makes them uniquely different. This deep active listening fosters true appreciation and understanding of others and a clearer understanding of what “makes them tick”.

Appreciation and Gratitude for the Help of Others

Typically, we take many things for granted from others without expressing appreciation. When we do express it, it can come across as a perfunctory “thank you” or a pat on the back “good job”.

Sincere appreciation not only uplifts the recipient but also strengthens the bond between individuals and fosters a culture of positivity and support.

True appreciation first requires that one be sincere. Then, give careful thought as to what it is that you truly appreciate, and how do you then go about expressing your appreciation. If possible be specific.

Your message might be delivered either verbally or in writing. Sometimes putting it in a handwritten form, gives you a better chance of expressing yourself more precisely and can convey even a greater show of respect and appreciation.

Here are some examples:

• “I wanted to thank you for your support in helping me, not to become “unravelled”, when I was feeling so very unsure of myself at the start of the program”
• “Your patience and dedication supporting my career, have helped me enormously and I am so very appreciative. I will always be truly grateful for your support”.
• “I always respect the fact, that you make the very best of every situation, regardless of whether that be good or bad”.
• “Your detailed feedback on my presentation helped me see areas of improvement I wouldn't have noticed on my own, and I'm really grateful for the time you took to help me”.

In my first management position in Johannesburg, I was sent overseas by my boss to be introduced to our business partners in the Netherlands. The trip started off inauspiciously, when I nearly missed my plane, which is a story for another time.

On my return, my boss sent me a handwritten letter saying how very pleased he was, at how well I have been received by our partners.

It was hard to underestimate the positive impact and confidence this gave me. My boss not so surprisingly, finished up as the worldwide head of the multinational music company Polygram International.

In summary, taking the time to express appreciation, in the examples I have given, you not only acknowledge the efforts of others, but also strengthen connections and foster a culture of positivity. All of that to say, you have a much better chance of communicating well with another person, when you recognize the things that you appreciate about them, that often go unrecognized by oneself and others.

Making a Sincere Apology

From personal experience, I suspect that apologizing, is not something that comes naturally to most of us, especially if we think we are right, and that the other person is to blame for the conversation going off the rails.

So here are some thoughts that might be helpful to keep us on the straight and narrow, when we miscommunicate and may have flown off the handle during a conversation.

The first thing to consider, is that no apology is better than insincere one.

You can always apologize for overreacting even if you were right in your position.

Typically, in any disagreement, it might not be because of what you said, but how the other person interpreted what it was that you were saying. In circumstances like this, it's easy to apologize for the misunderstanding and to try to clarify what it was that you were trying to get across, so that your intent, is not being misinterpreted.

Sometimes, I find myself raising my voice and reacting in a defensively aggressive way, if I feel I'm being unfairly accused of something, and this only adds fuel to the fire. It's hard to do, but a better response would be to react calmly and ask questions like - “I’m confused, help me understand, can you elaborate and give me some examples why you think that”. Having clarified the situation, it might be that at that moment an apology might be called for.

Stay Connected - Use a “Touch Strategy”

The expression, “out of sight, out of mind” is a sad reflection of just how easy it is to forget people who were once important in our lives.

When one leaves a relationship dormant for a long time, for a variety of good reasons its easy to lose them forever. Changing jobs, moving countries, changing locations or simply being too busy coping with daily challenges, it becomes hard to resurrect those relationships especially, if they have been left dormant for a long time.

Often when we would finally have the time to reconnect again, you can’t even find the relevant contact information, and this includes people who were once an important part of your life and who you felt close to.

WhatsApp provides a painless way to fix the problem of staying in touch. You have the choice of text, photo, video and recorded message and its free! What’s not to like about it!

That having been said, you can’t hope to stay in touch with everyone and you do need to be selective in who you want to stay in touch with in the first place.

Get Permission to Ask Sensitive Questions

When delving into sensitive personal matters, its always essential to get permission to do that. Your request could be as simple as the following example:

At the risk of being intrusive, would it be o.k. if I asked you a few more personal and maybe sensitive questions?”.

Ask Yourself if it’s a “Pinch” or a “Punch”

The advice here, is to address small disagreements at the “pinch level” and don’t let them fester and escalate to the “punch” level”. Like a small brush fire, repeated “pinches”, if not extinguished, lead to resentment and can become emotional and explosive and therefore much more difficult to control.

Deal with communications challenges at the “pinch level”, when you are more in control of your emotions.

Stay Calm in Response to Provocation

Effective communication isn't just about the words we choose, but also about how we handle difficult situations and interactions. One critical aspect of this is being able to maintain composure when faced with provocation. This can be extremely challenging, because our instinct is often to respond to someone’s belittling comments, threats, or verbal attacks with similar aggression. Such reactions typically escalate the situation, making it more unpleasant and harder to resolve.

So, how should one respond? A calm and measured approach can be remarkably effective. By asking the other person, why they are behaving as they are, you may help defuse the situation, much like calming a screaming child by addressing their underlying needs. The other party might simply be having a bad day or experiencing stress, which is reflected in their negative behavior. For instance, a few days ago, a fellow motorist started gesticulating and shouting at me to hurry up when approaching a traffic light. Instead of reacting angrily, as I might typically, I wound down my window and calmly pointed out that there was no advantage to moving quicker, since the lights had already turned red. This approach led to the motorist calming down and even apologizing and then explaining to me, that he was late to pick-up his daughter.

In Conclusion

Incorporating these seven easy communication skills into your daily interactions builds upon the foundational TEA principles of trust, empathy, and active listening. Each skill, from cultivating curiosity to maintaining calm under provocation, strengthens your ability to connect, understand, and resolve challenges with others. As you integrate these practices, you’ll find that effective communication is not merely about exchanging words but about fostering genuine relationships. By prioritizing clarity, respect, and understanding, you set the stage for meaningful conversations that resonate deeply and create lasting impressions.