Effective “Selling” is Dependent on Universal Communication Skills

In his book To Sell Is Human, Daniel Pink challenges the outdated stereotype of salespeople as “pushy,” “hustling,” or even slightly untrustworthy. Ironically, research shows that 65% of us are “part-time salespeople”- spending a significant portion of our time persuading others, sharing ideas, and influencing decisions.

Whether you're proposing an idea, requesting a raise, advocating for a promotion, influencing a decision, or applying for a job, you’re engaging in a form of selling - not of a product, but of your ideas and yourself.

Many associate “selling” with slick pitches or high-pressure closings. But in truth, great selling is just great communication. Whether you're navigating a tough conversation, interviewing, or pitching an idea, the best communicators use the same core skills as top salespeople.

Consider this as well. Research highlights the significant role of fear in career stagnation. Fear of the unknown, financial insecurity, and the anxiety of leaving a comfort zone are major deterrents to career change. On the positive side, there is strong evidence, that personal branding and self-promotion skills are directly linked to perceived employability and, consequently, to greater career satisfaction. This suggests that the ability to 'sell oneself' is crucial for career mobility.

That’s why I believe learning the core skills & philosophies of professional selling, can significantly help your success in everyday communication - in work, relationships, and leadership.

My beliefs are based too on my own personal experience over the last 21+ years training and coaching individuals, sales teams and leaders, how to sell more effectively, using the skills and systems taken mainly from renowned Sandler Selling System.

For purposes of this post, I’m going to use Sandler’s BAT Success Triangle – Behaviour, Attitude and Technique – to help frame and model, how each of these three pillars, working in unison, help give one a meaningful edge in selling yourself and your ideas and serve as a bulwark against fear and failure in your selling role.

People often ask which is more important – behaviour, attitude or technique? The answer to that question is that they are all important. That having been said, if one was forced to pick a single most important of the three pillars, it would be “behavior”.

We pick behaviour because it’s the inaction, procrastination and FTI (failure to implement) to do the behaviour that holds most people back, even if they have great attitude to life in general.

1. Behaviour

1.1 Have a “Just Do It!” mindset

Nike's "Just Do It" campaign first launched in 1988. The campaign was introduced with the first "Just Do It" ad featuring 80-year-old runner Walt Stack.

Stack was an icon of the San Francisco, California running community. He ran approximately 62,000 miles in his lifetime. Even in his 70s and 80s, Stack ran many more marathons and 50-mile ultramarathons than all but a few of his running peers.

I’ve chosen this slogan to start this piece on “selling” as it differentiates, more than anything, whether you will be successful or not in your “selling” endeavours.

While technique in selling can be very useful, its overcoming one’s fear of failure and an unwavering commitment to a “Just do It” philosophy that separates the best from the rest.

Think about it this way. Whenever you prospect (and that’s the critical behaviour) you win, because you recognize that the four outcomes you face are all positive:

• You get a “Yes” - you win, yes it sometimes happens! 😊
• You get a “No” - you disengage and can move on to other prospects. These “No’s” sometimes turn into “yes’s “down the line, when the clients need align with what you are offering, or the prospect introduces you to another prospect where you would be a good fit. 😊
• You get a “clear forward” - you haven’t closed the sale, but you are clear about your next steps. 😊
• You “screw-up” and don’t manage the process according to plan - you get “a lesson learned” and are less likely to screw-up the next time. 😊

“You cannot fail at prospecting unless you fail to prospect”

This axiom, explains why “doing the behaviour”, is the most important factor in determining success or failure in ones selling role.

Remember John Steinbeck’s advice on ignoring the finish line and starting:

“Abandon the idea that you are ever going to finish. Lose track of the 400 pages and write just one page for each day, it helps. Then when it gets finished, you are always surprised.”

1.2 Preparation and Planning for Success

It was Nobel Peace Prize award winner Albert Sweitzer, who when asked what ails man said:

“What ails man, is that he doesn’t think!”

Sweitzer was right! All of us have plunged into important conversations without thinking and with hindsight, we often wish we had been more thoughtful.

According to research, success in any negotiation, be that an important sale or getting ready for a contentious conversation, is often 90% attributable to your Effective Preparation!

Strong communicators - like great negotiators - prepare meticulously before important conversations begin.

Preparation allows you to tailor your message and anticipate any resistance you should be ready to expect.

Preparation Part 1: Key Considerations

Before engaging in any important conversation here are some of the key things you need to consider in your planning:

• Communication Style: Does the other party prefer data and logic, or stories and emotion?
• Values & Priorities: What matters most to them personally or professionally?
• Reputation & Relationships: Who do you know in common, who might be able to offer insight in respect to their reputation and their relationship with others?
• Likely Objections: What concerns or barriers can you anticipate?
• Your Unique Value: What most differentiates your idea, offer, or solution. We’ll talk more about this under Technique and the importance having a compelling “elevator pitch” and a persona that helps one stand out in the crowd

Preparation Part 2: Figure Out Your Leverage

This is a vitally important step in any serious negotiation - initially, we along with the other party, often underestimate the amount of leverage we possess.

In our recent trade war with the States and Canada the US, as Trump keeps reminding us, appears to “hold all the cards”. That is until one starts to evaluate our own alternative options, all of which are being carefully considered right now. There is no guarantee that we will have a “beautiful agreement”, but in considering our options we will likely realize that we are not as vulnerable as we may appear at first.

Our options include the following and more:

• Finding new, more friendly, collaborative win/win international partners
• Growing our own economy, using our own supply chains.
• Exploiting our strengths in oil, rare earth minerals and potash.
• Exploiting the negative impact higher tariffs will have on American consumer prices.
• Lobby support from loyal customers at the State level in the US and putting pressure on their congressional representatives.
• Counter with our own tariffs on American goods

None of these strategies are a slam dunk, but used intelligently and at the right time, they show that Canada is not without counter leverage, despite being only 10th the size of the US economy.

Preparation Part 3: Differentiation

Before you can reach out to your target prospects, you need to figure out what your differentiation is, relative to your competition and convert that into your elevator pitch.

In a commoditized “me too” world, it’s increasingly difficult to stand out in a crowd. Resumes all look and sound alike. Everyone claims to “an excellent communicator”!

It assumes too, that you a have done your homework, in figuring out your strengths and weaknesses, specifically in relation to the competition and the clients “pain points”.

It might not be so much what you say, so much as how and when you say it. More on this in section 3, under Technique.

Preparation Part 4: Develop Your Prospecting Plan

Block you time

One of the best ways to avoid procrastination is to block time off in your agenda when you are committed to prospect. This way you minimise the risk of “being too busy” and can commit to “doing the behaviour”.

Nurture and sustain your network

Typically, the most common prospecting strategy is to use email blasts and follow-up phone calls.

This prospecting strategy has a very low probability of success and should be subordinate to building and nurturing your network because:

“Your “network” is your “net worth”.”

This rule is built on the truism, that your success is most often attributable, not to what you know, but who you know.

All my most important executive positions in my corporate career, where to a greater or lesser extent attributable to my having a network.

Formal networking groups can be a good place to start making new connections. There comes a point, however, when you have built your network. Your job now is to make sure you maintain and selectively grow that network, by nurturing it and by having the discipline to stay connected.

Effective networking starts with being “other centred” and not “I centred”.

2. Attitude

Let’s now move onto “Attitude”. What’s the “right attitude” you want to take into any important conversation or negotiation? One could probably do no better than to live by the mantra to think Win/ Win”. This mantra, ties in perfectly with our key fundamental building blocks for effective communication TEA – Trust, Empathy and Active Listening.

2.1 Think Win/Win

"Win-win" became a successful concept from Harvard due to its focus on mutually beneficial solutions in negotiation and conflict resolution, emphasizing collaboration and relationship building over adversarial tactics. This approach, pioneered by the Harvard Negotiation Project, resonated with individuals and organizations seeking to achieve their goals while maintaining positive relationships.

Here's why the "win-win" approach was so successful:

• Focus on mutual gains: "Win-win" emphasizes finding solutions where all parties involved benefit, rather than one side winning at the expense of another.
• Emphasis on collaboration: It encourages a collaborative approach, where parties work together to identify common interests and find creative solutions that meet everyone's needs.
• Long-term relationship building: By prioritizing mutual benefit, "win-win" fosters stronger, more sustainable relationships between individuals and organizations.
• Addressing underlying interests: The approach encourages parties to explore their underlying interests and needs, rather than just focusing on their stated positions.
• Practical application: The principles of "win-win" have been widely applied in various contexts, including business negotiations, personal relationships, and international conflict resolution.

In essence, the "win-win" approach from Harvard provided a practical and effective framework for achieving positive outcomes in a variety of situations, making it a highly successful and influential concept.

2.2 Don’t Confuse Your Identity with Your Role

This is such an important concept to understand and to live by, that it needs some elaboration. First, let’s look at the definitions of what identity and role mean.

• Identity is your core self — your values, character, integrity, beliefs, and personal worth.
• Roles are the positions you take on in life — such as manager, parent, salesperson, student, entrepreneur, etc.

Why the Distinction Matters When Taking Risks

When you take a risk - like starting a business, giving a bold presentation, or trying something new in a relationship - you are often doing so in a particular role.

If the risk fails or doesn't go the way you hoped, it’s easy to feel like you are a failure. But this only happens if you’ve confused your role (what you're doing) with your identity (who you are).

The Takeaway

Separating identity from roles helps you:

• Bounce back more quickly from setbacks.
• Learn and grow without internalizing failure.
• Take healthier risks because your self-worth isn’t on the line.
• Stay grounded in your values, regardless of outcomes.

Two Personal Examples

I’m not going to add anything more on “attitude” other than to repeat two short personal stories I told before in an early post. Both are about taking risks, over-coming ones fear of failure and living the “Just Do It” mantra to good effect.

The first story occurred in my final year at Rhodes University. I was on vacation, when I got a phone call from a fellow student who I hardly knew. He said that he was not going back to university, because he was getting married, as his girlfriend was pregnant. He further explained that as part of the universities annual fund-raising week, he had the responsibility to organize an event called Campus Carnival. Would I be prepared to take over his responsibility? My first reaction was to say unequivocally “no”. After all, it would interfere with my fake “fun time” self-image, plus I had never had any experience running something like this before and it had the potential for failure.

Being slow off the mark, I could not think of a suitable excuse to decline, so finished up accepting the role. The event turned out to be a big success, beating all previous fund-raising efforts. Having completed my degree, I was then committed to working for the Government as a social worker for 3x years, to pay off a bursary they had lent me to pay for my degree. At the same time as I started working as a social worker, I decided to pursue a nighttime course at a local college for The Institute of Marketing and Management. That diploma in turn got me my first job in marketing.

Later, as my career progressed, I considered signing up for a more advanced marketing course. A mentor and friend at the company, suggested instead, that I take a 4x year master’s degree in business leadership. All studies would be after hours, after a hard day at the office. Based on my failed school career, I was not at all confident that I had the smarts or stamina to commit to a 4-x year program. After all I was the “won’t make butcher” prodigy! By looking at my worst-case scenario however and approaching the program just 1x year at a time, I made a commitment to start. Ultimately, I successfully completed the 4x years and graduated.

Both events were life changing and are personal examples of living by the “Just Do It!” mantra and not confusing ones “I” with one’s “R”.

2.3 Equal Business Stature – The Right to Be There

One of the most powerful mindset shifts in professional selling - and in any influential communication—is the belief that you have the right to be there. This is the essence of equal business stature.

Whether you're a technical rep speaking to a high-level buyer, a customer service person dealing with a frustrated client, or a junior staff member addressing senior leadership, you must remind yourself that your expertise, time, and contribution are just as valuable as the person you're speaking with. Different, yes, but not less.

Equal business stature doesn’t mean arrogance or dominance. It’s not about being forceful or controlling the conversation. It’s about believing in your value and showing up as a peer - curious, respectful, but not subordinate.

When we communicate without this mindset, we tend to shrink, apologize unnecessarily, and avoid important questions. We prioritize being liked over being effective. But with the right attitude - equal business stature - we ask better questions, clarify expectations, and challenge when needed. And we do it with quiet confidence.

A useful analogy: in a medical consultation, the doctor is the expert in treatment; the patient is the expert in their symptoms. Neither can get to a good outcome without the other. Both must show up as equals.

So, when you're in a communication moment that matters, own your seat at the table. That's where trust, progress, and mutual respect begin.

Let’s now move onto the third pillar underpinning success in “selling” and that’s Technique.

3. Technique – 7x Selling Skills and Tactics

Technique is where we can enhance one’s success rate, by adding the selling skills and tactics that can increase the probability of success when you do your prospecting behaviour.

The best way to get good at “technique” is to develop your best scripts and then practice in teams using role plays. It’s cliched but “practice makes perfect”.

In the Sandler system, there are 3 qualifying steps to determine if a prospect is a “good fit’. First you need to find Pain (a problem you can fix) better than the competition, then determine the Budget (cost of fix) necessary to pay for your solution and then finally cover the Decision elements (the who, what where when and how).

3.1 “No Pain, No Sale!”

When making a sale, we often focus on meeting the customer’s needs. But before doing that and moving too quickly to solutions, we need to first find pain. That’s because, as surprising as it may seem, pain can be up to five times more powerful as a motivator than pleasure. This idea is supported by research in behavioral economics, particularly the work of Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleague Amos Tversky. Their theory of loss aversion - a central concept in prospect theory - suggests that people feel the pain of a loss about twice to five times as strongly as they feel the pleasure of a gain.

Most purchases - especially those driven by urgency - are made not for gain, but to relieve a problem, eliminate a worry, or avoid a risk.

Even in high-end, discretionary purchases like a luxury sports SUV, where pleasure seems like the main driver, pain and fear often tip the scale. The vehicles may have similar features and performance, making true differentiation difficult. In the end, the customer might choose the one salesperson they trusted more - because that trust eased the fear of making a mistake, being judged, or experiencing regret.

3.2 Apply the 70/30 Rule: Talk Less, Listen More

Great communicators follow the 70/30 Rule: spend 70% of the time listening and asking thoughtful questions, and only 30% talking.

This aligns with the principle of active listening - being present, engaged, and genuinely curious.

Example: In a job interview, strong candidates don’t launch into a monologue covering all their strengths. They first listen carefully to the interviewer’s needs. They then tailor their responses to show how they might be a fit for the position.

As we saw in earlier posts in this series, whether you're leading, coaching, or resolving conflict – active listening builds trust, and trust opens doors.

3.3 Avoid the Hard Sell - Let Them Convince Themselves

As Crucial Conversations reminds us:

“The harder you try to convince someone, the less convincing you are.”

When we push too hard, people push back. The smarter path is to invite conversation and surface concerns early. This approach - often called objection inoculation - lowers defensiveness and increases buy-in.

Example:

“Our consulting services are not the right fit for everyone. We don’t have any “magic bullets” or “quick fixes”- because in our experience they rarely work in the long-term. We believe in on-going steady incremental improvement over a sustained period. Does that fit with your thinking and what’s been your experience?”

Why it works: When people feel they’re being guided, not pressured, they feel respected - and are more likely to arrive at the right conclusion themselves.

3.3 Use the Phrase: “Help Me Understand - I’m a Bit Confused”

This simple phrase can defuse tension and invite dialogue, especially in emotionally charged conversations.

Scenario: You’re accused of not being committed to a project. Instead of getting hot and bothered and reacting defensively, you might say instead:

“I’m little surprised, and a bit confused to hear you say that - especially given the extra hours I’ve put in. There must be something I’m missing - help me understand.”

Why it works: It slows the conversation down and signals curiosity - not conflict.

3.4 Get Permission to Go Deeper

Before asking more personal or sensitive questions, ask for permission:

“Would it be okay if I asked a few personal questions to better understand your situation?”

This type of small courtesy builds trust and shows respect for boundaries - making it more likely the other person will open to you.

3.5 Before Answering a Question Consider Switching to “Reverse Mode”

Let me explain why and when this technique can be so powerful if timed correctly and used appropriately.

The principle of this technique is that when you are asked a question, it can sometimes be useful to not immediately answer the question. Instead, consider “reversing the question”, finding out more about the question & why it was asked, before giving your answer.

Here's a simple personal example. I was being interviewed for a job I had applied for. The other person was the merchandise director, and I was applying for a new position, as the liaison officer for the Zimbabwe office of a women’s fashion chain called Truworths, based in their Cape Town office.

After a long interview, I was finally asked, what salary I was looking for. I had already been offered a marketing position with the local British packaging company E.S & A Robinson, at the salary in the local currency of 250 Rands’s a month. I was therefore quite confident, I thought for a minute, gulped and then said $ 400 rands. Much to my surprise, the merchandise director said, “that sounds reasonable”!

So, the obvious lesson here was, that by not reversing the merchandise director and asking what the range was for the job, I could therefore quite literally have “short changed” myself.

Reversing must be used discreetly, otherwise you can finish up, looking like a politician, who is always reversing and never giving an answer to the questions being asked.

That having been said, just think for a minute of the number of times you wish you could have understood what the real question was before you stumbled in to answer what you thought the questioner might be asking. This is not something natural for most of us to do. Typically, we do not want to appear evasive and our typical response to a question, particularly from and authority figure is answering with the first thing that comes into our minds!

Here’s another example of reversing being executed appropriately. Let’s suppose you are asked - “So what makes your product different?”

You are thrilled to be able to answer this question, as you have just been in a weeklong product training session and have all the right answers. You then proceed to real off all the reasons you have been taught, only to discover that your answers do little to impress the prospect.

A better way before responding would be to find out:

1. Do they already have a preconceived idea of what they think is important and
2. Is there a reason they asked the question in the first place

Based on your evaluation of these 2x questions, you might instead respond like this:

“That’s an excellent question There are a lot of reasons I could give you, as to why I think we might be different - but none of them might be what you are looking for. I would be curious to know, what you think is most important and we can then see if we might possibly have what you are looking for. Would you be o.k. sharing that with me?”

3.6 Use an Up-Front Contract for Clarity and Control

This is one of the most useful Sandler Selling Techniques that is simple to execute if you are disciplined enough to use it. It brings structure and efficiency to your meetings. If adapted, it can be just as useful in crucial conversations as it is in selling.

The 3 parts to an Up-Front Contract are:

1. Confirm that the other party is O.K. with the time you have set and if needed can they go over the time set if need be.
2. Confirm the agenda and where to start. Start by asking if there are any additional points they would like to add or start with given what you have already agreed to.
3. Confirm the possible outcomes

I would like to elaborate on the 3rd step which can be the most powerful

The 3 possible outcomes from a meeting where you are selling something, can be tabled by you like this.

• You tell the prospect that you might not be able to provide them with what they are looking for. You won’t we trying to apply any pressure on them.
• They might not like your solution, and you would be ok with that, if that was their decision. Again – no pressure!
• The final option would be to either close the deal and work out the details or to continue discussing at another meeting to bring it a conclusion either positive or negative.

The primary purpose of the Up-Front Contract is to ensure efficiency and structure for the meeting and to avoid any “wishy washy” thinking. It’s a simple but very powerful tool.

3.7 Going for the NO!

The sale has not yet been closed, but you a clear forward with another phone meeting to continue the dialogue. When you call, the prospect is not there, so you leave a message. After that you leave another 2x messages with no response. At this stage you need to consider leaving a “go for the no” message that could sound like this. Use a nurturing non accusatory tone.

“George, I hope you are ok, and nothing untoward has happened to you. I’ve left you three messages and have not heard back from you. You may have had some unexpected challenges preventing you from getting back to me and I understand how that can happen. On the other hand, it could simply mean that for some reason you have decided you don’t want to continue our dialogue. If that’s the case, can I assume that if I don’t hear back from you by Friday, I should close the file. I look forward to hearing from you, have a great day”.

Key Takeaways

Selling - when done well - isn’t about pressure. It’s about:

• Having the courage to “Just Do It “in the face of fear and uncertainty.
• Effective preparation can account for up to 90 % of success.
• Digging deeper to really understand the other person’s world.
• Remembering to always apply the TEA principles: build Trust, apply Empathy and use Active Listening.
• Treating every conversation as a collaborative problem-solving session.
• Being curious.
• Creating space for others to find the answer with you.

Real influence isn't imposed - it’s earned!